Boss, Co-worker Hitting on You? Feeling Uncomfortable?
May 4, 2011 
8 Comments
As an individual, you do not have to stand for being hit on. You don’t have to endure any sort of harassment in hopes of getting that next raise or keeping your job. Most companies have strict policies that try their best to keep relationships completely out of the workplace – where they belong. Some companies will even host seminars on just this sort of thing. Familiarize yourself, first and foremost, with how your office handles romance.
Any sign of harassment is considered against company policy. Therefore, do not be afraid to put a stop to it! If you actually like the attention, be warned that getting involved in an office romance could get messy. On the other hand, many people meet their sweethearts in the office. After all, what better way to find something in common than at work?
Understand the Risks: If you are actually considering dating someone in the office, there are a few things you should know. Before you start a relationship, look at the potential hazards. Are they your superior or your inferior? Will other people find out? Will the relationship stir hostility or jealousy among your co-workers? For example, if you or your partner is in a position of authority, will your co-workers start accusing one of you of giving the other ‘special treatment’? An office romance may be more trouble than it’s worth.
Avoid Unwanted Attention: If you don’t want to attract special attention at work, dress modestly. Showing too much skin may cause your co-workers to think you are ‘in the market’ for a new date and act accordingly. To avoid this, dress professionally.
Be Subtle: When someone actually starts hitting on you, the situation becomes very tricky. Start by playing it off like you would do any situation when someone hits on you and you just aren’t interested – completely ignore it and shoot down any romantic advances they make. Avoid interacting with that co-worker if necessary. Most people will get the message and let it be. For those that don’t, you may need a more direct approach.
Be Upfront: Explain to the person that you are not interested and that it makes you uncomfortable when they hit on you. It may be easier to just tell them you don’t believe in office romance and leave it at that. Be kind at first, but if they keep insisting, be forceful. You do not have to deal with how they treat you no matter how much of an influence they have over your job. Harassment in the workplace is problem not taken lightly. If they still do not listen to you after all of this, seek additional help.
Report Them: Tell your superiors of the problem. Be mature and calm about it and the situation will be appropriately handled. Causing a scene is not the way to go. Even though it is unfair for you to be treated this way, maintaining your composure will ensure that your boss takes you seriously when you tell them of the problem… But what if it is your boss? Find an equal or higher superior to talk to. If your manager is the one hitting on you, talk to a different manager, or find a regional manager to deal with it instead.
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I once had a boss who recorded dictation as he traveled. He had a bad habit of inserting sexual innuendos which made working with him uncomfortable. Luckily I was able to speak with another girl in the office whose boss was his superior and was able to arrange a transfer. I agree, if someone behaves inappropriately, always speak up. Most businesses have strict policies regarding this type of behavior.
This is an easy one, never date someone you work with. I managed a man and woman who got fired over it, and they weren’t married to someone else. They were both single.
Very messy, indeed. I know of a friend of mine that is being stalked by a former boyfriend who knows his ex is dating a co-worker and has threatened that he will get them both fired from their jobs. Just not worth the hassle!!!!
It’s always safer to separate your personal and your work life. All relationships hit rough spots along the way, and it’s difficult to work them out if you work and live with the person.
It seems foolish to put oneself under that kind of pressure. Better to look someplace else for romance.
In some cases it is good to speak up and complain and in other cases it’s best to resign and find other work because you might be committing career suicide if you complained.
Yes, it is easier to not have this happen, if you tell the person no, and try to tell them it isn’t appropriate. I tried that exact thing with a co administrator for a hospital. Turns out he was hitting on me and had control over my paycheck, because he was put in charge of the hospital, when the administrator was transferred. My pay was held up and I then had to go to HR, and report it., turns out he had done this to others. I was given my raise backdated to when it was to be given, and he was transferred out of the hospital to another state.
I have had this happen 2 other times, and had to report it twice and it is not fun when you have to do it, and show each time with dates and times. But each time, HR took care of it.
I think it happens more often to women who men think they can take advantage of, than others who might not be in positions of power.
Has never happened to me in a workplace situation. However, I was involved in a group interview of a candidate who would not meet the eyes of the other interviewers, much less my eyes (they were focused on my chest the entire interview). That, his interview answers, and some questionable resume padding did not get him the job.